The shard that lost its way
May 14-16 2010 was indeed one of the best and most memorable days of my life and I believe it is indeed blog-worthy. Amidst all the fun and exciting times we had on the beach and everywhere else, there was this something inside of me. Mixed feelings, emotions, people, conversations, and fooooood (and I do mean a lot of it), were the highlights of this chapter of my life.
I felt extremely gloomy when I found out that a glass shard that supposedly was the souvenir / remembrance item for this trip. I put it inside the police eyeglass case (which was highly stupid because it had slight openings that would trigger its loss), and was indeed LOST when I began unpacking my stuff from the backpack I used. Instead I am keeping a mcdo fries package as a consolation prize. lol. Its loss made me realize something important, and made me really uneasy and left me in fear. The fear of losing something or someone is the worst feeling ever. PERIOD. I believe that right now, I cannot afford.. and I mean CANNOT afford to lose facy in any way possible. Let the shard be the sacrifice, so I may never lose her again. Even my dreams didnt help today. The usual happy/fun/sweet dreams that I have was replaced by a sad and I-will-ignore-you-cause-I-dont-know-you-and-dont-want-to-talk-to you kinda dream. Promisingly awful if you ask me.
I just can't wait to get my job stable, and have a balance of work and life and love. For now, I gotta put up with my current salary, and unstable time frame. After a year or so, I do think it will all be nice and better then. But still, I cannot bear to watch myself grow any distance from my facy. I have found a few items that would perfectly simulate and show how losing her would be like. Here are a few of my current feelings that would be similar:
Losing Facy would probably be like:
1. A kid whose ice cream just fell to the ground and got nothing left but a cone in the hand.
2. The death of optimus prime.
3. When you realize dexters laboratory, hey arnold, rugrats, kenan and kel, the wonder years and other classic-o shows arent around to keep you happy anymore.
4. Failing to submit a thesis document on time and resulting to having a minus 20% on your final grade.
5. Extreme excitement to open the fridge, only to find out that your favorite chocolate bar or snack isnt there anymore.
6. The death of Pope John Paul the 2nd.
7. Eating skinless lechon @_@
8. Waking up to see that you are already late for an appointment/class/work
9. Saving up the best part of a meal (like the skin of peking duck or the end of a drunstick icecream) only to find out that someone took it from you.
10. Reading horoscope that says BV about you.
11. Arriving to school on time only to realize that either the class was cancelled or you failed to see the exact time and/or location, and you still arrived late anyways.
12. Getting stuck in rush hour.
13. Drinking disgusting medicines, that is not working at all.
14. Having high fever and having no one take care of you.
15. Finding out your beloved pet just died.
16. Watching a love story movie. Alone.
17. That intensely shitty feeling when you wake up after drinking a ton of alcohol the night before.
18. That time you called Mcdonalds and got told that McRice burger was not going to be in the menu anymore.
19. That same feeling of the guy from "Reign over me" movie.
20. Getting a 0.0 on your course card.
21. Cramming a project only to find out the next day you cant pass it at all.
22. Drowning. Literally.
23. Eating GATA and only that for the rest of my life.
24. Having told by someone that you are getting fat.
25. Seeing that Moontree got cut down for illegal logging! (insert saddest emoticon ever here!)
26. Bringing your IPod to a long long trip only to realize that you did not charge it and have no source of entertainment whatsoever.
27. AIDS / Cancer
28. A lousy, primitive, and biased comment/dictate/rant/sermon from a Born-Again Christian.
29. Realizing that maxibon icecream isnt sold anywhere anymore.
30. Finding out your exact date of death.
Oh yes, all these 30 items somehow reflect and keep a short preview on what losing Facy would feel like for me. I can never afford to lose her.. I'd simply die. No one has ever been this special, and had ever made me feel this way. I just love her. That is all. Moon tree awaits.
